5 key things to stop doing

A lot of leaders are spending a lot of time learning what to do and not enough on what to stop doing! - says Marshall Goldsmith, renowed coach.

5 key things you can stop right now!

Number 1. 🆆🅸🅽🅽🅸🅽🅶 🆃🅾🅾 🅼🆄🅲🅷 🏆

Trying to win all the battles and arguments, proving your point.☝️Is it worth it? Why are you trying to prove it? Is it the one that really is worth fighting for?

It’s difficult for leaders not to win even if it’s a trivial issue. 🔱

Example. You come home after work and your partner says: “I had such a crazy, exhausting day!” 😩And what you do: “You had a bad day! Wait until I tell about my day!” 📣We try to compete even at being miserable!

So before you start a battle, ask yourself is it worth it?

Number 2. 🅰🅳🅳🅸🅽🅶 🆃🅾🅾 🅼🆄🅲🅷 🆅🅰🅻🆄🅴 🏆

When people bring an idea 💡and you add up to it, it may increase the outcome by 5%, but decrease motivation by 50% as it is now a boss’ idea. When you are responding do you add value or do you respond just because you have ideas? The higher in the rank the more suggestions become orders. 🫡Consider whether you’re making a suggestion or an order! Before you add value, ask yourself:

• At work: does my comment improve this other’s person commitment? 👏

• At home: Is this comment going to improve my relationship with a loved one? 💞

Before responding check what is the mental process 💭 you have before getting ready to talk and add value to what you say. And also check how other people talk: do they add comments in a way that it adds value to other people or they put out comments proving that they’re smart or they are right?! 😉

Number 3. 🅼🅰🅺🅸🅽🅶 🅳🅴🆂🆃🆁🆄🅲🆃🅸🆅🅴 🅲🅾🅼🅼🅴🅽🆃🆂 🤯

People often make comments and many of them are behind a back of someone or something, like a company. Did you ever consider why your doing this? Or that it might hurt somebody? 😞

One way to stop 🛑 this is to ask: How would you want other people to talk about you? If you say a destructive comment to your peer and leave a room, what do they think or say about you when you’re not there? 🗣️

Many people say that they are too busy for a meeting, a conversation, we spend less time talking to each other. Things you can do to

save your time:

65% of conversations are usually about trying to show how smart, special and wonderful you are 🦄or how stupid other people are! Save time and avoid unnecessary destructive comments about people.

Before you speak 🗣️- breath! 🫁 Ask yourself - will this comment help a person I’m talking to? Will this comment help the person I’m talking about? Will this comment help my family/team/company? If not- don’t say it! 🤫

Observe what others are saying and what comes out of your mouth. It’s hard to stop a social comparison, but you would be surprised how much you can focus on the topic rather than your thoughts trying to prove your worth. 🌟

Number 4. 🆂🆃🅰🆁🆃🅸🅽🅶 🆆🅸🆃🅷 🆆🅾🆁🅳🆂 - 🅽🅾, 🅱🆄🆃, 🅷🅾🆆🅴🆅🅴🆁 🫨

To become better listeners👂 and be more open minded🧠 pay attention how you use the words NO, BUT or HOWEVER. First of all, check how often other people use these words when they communicate. In most cases, you will see that people discount whatever you said when they start a sentence with those three words. 🚮

When you say NO- it means shut up, when you say BUT or HOWEVER - you disregard everything that was said. People think you are stubborn. 🫏

Don’t say “That’s great, BUT…”. Most of us need to do a better job of recognition and nothing destroys ☠️ it faster than “BUT”!

If your kid comes and says he or she got a high score from Math 🧑‍🎓 and lower from History, you say : “That’s great, BUT next time try harder with the History”. That’s not a recognition! That’s even a bigger demotivation. It translates as you’re not good enough. Just say: “That’s great! 😇I’m proud of you!” The little word BUT erases the great part.

Your homework: watch how often you say these three words and how often other people use. Pay attention to how it makes you feel. 🤔 Do they listen to you or just give their own opinion?

If you avoid starting sentences with NO, BUT or HOWEVER and That’s great, but - you will be seen as a more open listener and much better at giving positive feedback! 👏

Number 5. 🅿🅻🅰🆈🅸🅽🅶 🅵🅰🆅🅾🆄🆁🅸🆃🅴🆂 😉

Something to stop doing is playing favourites. 👍This one is hard to notice and acknowledge. In most cases we are doing this unconsciously. 🧠We tend to favor people who favor us.

We say that we hate sucking up to us, but if we don’t like it, why so much sucking up is going on? 🥺

An example of favouritism:

• “Do you own a dog?” - Yes.

• “What it’s name?” - Spike. 🐕‍🦺

• Which member of your family gets the most unrecognized positive recognition? - My dog!

In 80% of the time the dog 🐕 is the one you say you love the most. It’s not that the you don’t love other family members, but the dog doesn’t talk back, he doesn’t criticise 🤬 you and when you come home the dog is happy to see you! If you come late, the dog is happy to see you! If come home late and drunk - the dog is still happy to see you! 🐶The dog is the suck up to you!

We tend to reinforce people who reinforce us. A small test to help you avoid favouritism.

Rank you direct subordinates or peers in these 4 areas:

• How much do they like me? 😉You don’t know how much they like you. The question is how much do you think they like you?

• How much are they like me? How much do they remind me? Such a special and wonderful person. 😂

• Who is making the biggest difference in the company? Who has the largest contribution? 📊

• How much positive recognition I give to them?

In 15-20% of cases postive recongition is given to those who like me or resemble me despite their contribution at work. So be careful and avoid playing favourites. 🤩