Recognizing manipulative people and drawing boundaries

I bet you did come across manipulative people at work or in other social circles. 🙋‍♂️This is what manipulative people do or make you feel:

• Manipulative people are very childlike. They saw it mostly in childhood in family, that someone got things they wanted by being pushy 😤 and the other gave in and they will use the tactics to get what they want when they want.

• They are usually quite insecure, 😳have fragile egos as they don’t know how to process and deal with a bruised ego.

• They are extremely competitive 🤺and will ask for an answer right away 🤯without letting you to think about it. If you ask to respond tomorrow, they will use your weak spot to get the answer now.

• If you’re fearful or vulnerable or have other wounds, 💔 they will use it to control the situation and how you’re thinking and get the outcome they want. 😏

• They will resort to abuse, name-calling that you are selfish or crazy or unprofessional. They will make you doubt yourself and feel wrong 🤷‍♀️ like they are entitled to something. Usual victims are people pleasers and someone who is co-dependent.

Does this sound familiar? Similar situations and feelings around certain people? How to deal with it:

• If you are deciding something not from a guilt or shame point of view related to manipulation, but from your own decision and strong centered place ☮️- then make a decision. If no- then put yourself first. Draw some boundaries.

• Stand your ground.💪 Explain your reasons, do not change or soften up. It will get even worse in the future if you give in since you’re not keeping your own promises.

• Be prepared for backlash. Bullying, name- calling. Don’t get angry or defensive, just understand that this is their way of dealing. 🧠 Just say I’m sorry you feel this way.

Setting boundaries🫸 does not mean forcing anybody to change. What boundaries are is what happens after we make request for a change and we find people acting in a way that we don’t like: saying things or doing things. 🙈🙉🙊If they decide not to change, then it’s up to us to take care of ourselves.

No one gets to decide whether your boundaries are wrong or not. 👉 E.g. If you invite guests at home, you ask to take the shoes off or of someones borrows some equipment, you explain how you want it to be used. 🔭 If you don’t follow my rules, then I ask you to leave or not use the equipment anymore. Outside you can exist as you wish, but these are my rules for my property, my business, my safety, my relationships. ✅

If there is a level of reciprocity and respect in the relationship, people will be willing to respect your request. ✊

3 tips of setting, establishing and keeping boundaries.

• Getting really clear on your boundaries. 🔮📋 Spend some time to think of the reasons why they are important to you. If you understand them, others will too. You are allowed to have your own rules even if others do not agree. People will push back especially if the ways were established a long time ago. 😱 And if you don’t believe you’re worthy, neither will anyone stick to anything you said.

• Implementing your boundary. You can say clearly upfront or also you can say that for example, gossiping about other people is not something you are interested and it’s not worth your energy. If people persist, your short answers and disengagement will show that you are sticking to what you said. 🙄

• Keeping the boundary. It’s the hardest part. We don’t like resistance and succumb easily. It might feel weird at first, but you have to remember your reasons. 💪If you change once, people will think you don’t really mean it. People will stop questioning your boundaries and change behaviour after a few tries to work around them. If you stay firm, they will drop it. Stick to your boundary and you will make it clear that it’s not worth trying changing it. 🍀☺️